Living my life

2012-02-03T11:58:00.002+08:00

its comforting to me,
that despite how little, how seldom, or how long
since we last met,
we can always seem to pick up where we left.
we're still the way we were since i can last remember.

its like you were never away.
we've always been like that,
havent we?

you know, whatever you go thru.
it always feels like i can feel it too, for you.
not that we always share the same sentiments,
but i'll be there every step of the way.
sometimes, we dont even need the words to convey.
we just know so.

i'm so glad you're back.

2012-01-26T15:49:00.003+08:00

i think i'm a simple person.

yes, i do have dreams about being successful and all one day.
but in the sense that my dreams, are.. simple.
my wants, my contentment arent unreachable.

for me, a successful person is one satisfied with their own.
say, a person owns a three room flat.
thats successful.
thats somethi to call their own,
as compared to someone living in a condo,
but is actually still paying off loans or mortgage and whatnot.

success is subjective,
being contented, with the more simple things in life.
i'm contented.

i think i'm a simple person.

yea, we all dream of a fairytale romance,
that special other half.
dream house, dream date.
lavish gifts and sweet whispers
but for me, all i ever wanted
is to be a part of that someone's world.
the same way that someone will be in mine.
be mine, and i'm all yours.
my friends, my world.
my dreams, my future.
thats all that i ever want.
"i promise i'll never break your heart"

2012-01-20T13:42:00.002+08:00

nowawdays, i tell everyone -
i'm after the money.
cuz in this world, loyalty doesnt mean a thing.
loyalty cant fill the rice bowl.

and right at the brink of confusion,
boss came to me, at my table when i was alone.
he said -
be patient. dont give up now.

boss.
that guy who in my mind is the most respected guy.
that guy who protected me, throughout.
that guy who fought for me, when i was actually no longer his direct subordinate.

just like that,
i'm sold.
just like that, my loyalty reignites.
not to the place, or to anyone else.
but to that guy.
not just any guy.

call me stupid.
call me brainwashed, or weak, or what have you.
but you dont have my boss,
so you'll never know.

2012-01-16T16:06:00.002+08:00

knowledge.

to some, knowledge is power.
it gives leverage to a one's standing.
who knows what first.

but to me,
knowledge is scary.
its painful.
it makes a person trustworthy, or no.
it defines betrayal.
it defines trust.

what might seem not impt to a person,
might actually turn out to be very important to another.

one person's gossip sake,
becomes a judgement on another person's character.
i hate the compromise.

Lately, i find myself suppressing everything.
conversations, developments, plans.
most times i end up not saying anything,
or just keeping quiet.

i dont know.
maybe its because the connections are too small in this place.
whats said between friends,
unwittingly becomes political war fare
of who said what.
even conversations have to be carefully treaded on

the world just got a lil scarier.
and its goddamn tiring.

2012-01-07T23:12:00.002+08:00

to that girl in far away land,
happy birthday.
cant wait till you get back.

****

the first step is normally the hardest.
but the first step is also the most decisive.
this step i take,
will hopefully lead me where i want to be.

"you just be confident. you can make it"

here i go.

2011-12-18T23:18:00.002+08:00

people change over the years,
some for the better, and some for the worse.
all of which, opinions are subjective.

but normally, its the changes that you didnt witness,
people who have somewhat disappeared for awhile,
that when you see them next, you lament about how much
distance and time has brought about a person
you never knew from back then.

you realize, that the person has grown up now.
and in many ways, i have too.

change.
what a beautiful thing.

and we still wish each other the best.

2011-12-14T18:43:00.002+08:00

they say, too much of a good thing, is a bad thing.

2011-11-09T01:02:00.002+08:00

what happens when you finally found the courage you never had?
what happens when you're torn between loyalty and ambition?

its like i've got gain, in this painful sacrifice.
yet, i've got alot to lose, in this pursuit for attainment
what gives?

mindsets and goals changed.
what i want for the future is no longer contentment.
is this over-ambition?

2011-11-06T18:27:00.002+08:00

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind

I'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back if you ever come back now
Oh if you ever come back if you ever come back

Now they say I'm wasting my time
'Cause you're never comin' home
But they used to say the world was flat
But how wrong was that now?

And by leavin' my door open
I'm riskin' everything I own
There's nothing I can lose in a break-in that you haven't taken

If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss
I know you're out there somewhere so just remember this
If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss
Oh just remember this, oh just remember this

Now they say I'm wasting my time
'Cause you're never comin' home
But they used to say the world was flat
But how wrong was that now?

And by leavin' my door open
I'm riskin' everything I own
There's nothing I can lose in a break-in that you haven't taken

I'll leave the door on the latch
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back if you ever come back now
Oh if you ever come back if you ever come back

If you ever come back
-The script

****

if now's not the time,
then when is?

2011-09-28T22:41:00.002+08:00

it was refreshing for me, tt somewhere within this cold corporate world, there is someone else, who's guard isnt up. tt 5mins, was most prob the most real i've ever shared with someone here. surprising, how comfortable it felt. surprising, the connection. it was nice.

2011-09-27T17:44:00.002+08:00

the most cowardly of critics, are those who's never seen the true picture, but jumps to conclusion. are those too easy on condemning, without even the whiff of essence. onlookers sees best? onlookers are just tt - onlookers. keyboard warriors at best, or vicious gossip at worst. what do you know?

2011-09-19T20:14:00.002+08:00

Tainted by memories, haunted by hurt. when will it all stop? feels like i'm punishing myself for things gone awry. flashbacks of failures, scenes replayed, immersed with all the questions still unanswered. my mind has to stop making my heart go thru so much.

2011-09-17T14:23:00.002+08:00

first couple of days was without much impact.
feels just about the same.
indifferent.
but like any form of loss,
the reality sinks in much later.

day3 and i realise the world is alot quieter.
well, maybe just the twitter timeline.
but i realised i couldnt reach you as and when i liked anymore.
its like i know you're there.
i just cant find you.

i guess i'm just worried.
have you settled fine?
have you made new friends?
does your superiors bully you?
i worry, that you're just so far away from home.

here, where you have ppl who look out for you.
alot more than you actually know.

random phonecalls,
stupid name calling,
sarcastic insults.
but above all.
just an irritatingly, lame, suck-at-pronunciation girl
who i actually worry alot for.

i hope you're doing okay.
but knowing you,
you'll do better than just that.

2011-09-07T16:50:00.002+08:00

Nothing beats old school.
Here's one for easy listening

Could be your eyes, could be your smile.
Could be the way you freed my mind.

Your precious touch caressed my soul.
You gave me everything I need, and now I've lost.
Lost forever.

Lost forever, and you said this is going nowhere, girl.
And you said I turned my back on.
You said I'm not the only one for you.

Please give me one more try for the sake of our love
Let's give it one more chance coz I can't give you up.
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I could never find another like you.

Could be the lies, could be my pride.
Could be the days and nights so wild.

Could be the times I wasn't there.
And all the nights we didn't share, and now you've lost.
Lost forever

I can't sleep, I can't live without you by my side.
So cold, so lost without as my guide.
You made me realise I've nothing, nothing without you.

Baby give me one last try

A1 - One more try

2011-09-06T18:16:00.001+08:00

one word, one line. recognition. and it makes everyth else disappear. you made everyth worth it. i have got the best bosses in the world.

2011-08-28T14:10:00.001+08:00

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,
How we met and the sparks flew instantly,
People would say they're the lucky ones.
I used to know my place was a spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat,
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on.

Oh a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to fall-out.
Too many things that I wish you knew,
So many walls that I can't break through.

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah.
I don't know what to say, it's a twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

Next chapter

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy,
You're doing your best to avoid me.
I started to think one day I'd tell the story of us,
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here,
But you held your pride like you should've held me.

Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud.

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah.
I don't know what to say, it's a twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like the careless,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you say you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah.
I don't know what to say, it's a twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now.
And we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah.
I don't know what to say, it's a twist of fate 'cause we're going down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

The end.

2011-08-26T21:53:00.002+08:00

the thing about me is, i'm a sucker for words. one phrase, one statement - its enough to keep me driven for awhile. enough to keep me afloat, keep me buoyed. all the little setbacks, arent enough to ruin it. at least now, regardless how momentarily so, i know i'm going somewhere.

2011-08-19T15:29:00.002+08:00

time. sometimes we wish it just fast forward. sometimes, we wish we could go back in time. other times, we just wish it'll stop entirely. time. we wish it'll go by, yet, we never seem to have enough of it. thank god we cant rewind time to change anything from the past. cuz then, i wouldnt be here. thank god we cant forward time, else i'll miss out on alot of tmrs. thank god for fate. it brought me here. it brought me, to you.

2011-08-13T13:22:00.000+08:00

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

-dont you remember
Adele

2011-08-11T18:27:00.013+08:00

i have the greatest boss in the world.

You might not be my direct boss anymore,
but still, you look out for me.
Thank you.

No amount of 'thank you's can ever convey my gratefulness.
You, are why ppl fight so loyally here.
Thank you.

'dont worry, if you ever face any problems, you can still look for me. I'll help you settle.'

Not everyone sees this side of you.
Just those words alone,
is enough to motivate me.
It made me not afraid anymore.
Thank you.
For believing in me,
for looking out for me.

I have the greatest boss in the world.

2011-08-07T21:24:00.002+08:00

sometimes, its the words within,
tt is most hardest to say.
But these are the words,
tt would have meant somethi to someone else.

Maybe its the lack of courage,
or the fear of reaction.
Tt we might ruin someth.
The hesitance,
the reluctance.
Tt constant weighing of consequences.

Dont hold back.

It could be a delayed apology.
A sincere opinion.
Or a confession of misdeed.
A profession of emotions.

Regardless.
Words, makes more magic than one could imagine.

If i say the words,
would you believe me?

2011-08-05T19:58:00.002+08:00

i used to love this period of the year.
Used to look forward, setting tables tgt.
Sitting down, and laughing.
Break fast tgt.
Cuz my mom used to make it a point,
to break fast as a family.

I used to love,
gg to geylang tgt.
Choosing curtains, and bedsheets.
Cushions, and carpets.
Cuz my mom used to love
shopping as a family.

I used to dread,
waking up so early.
To go to the pasar,
mesh with other familes,
and carry loads of ingredients home.
But my mom used to love,
choosing and bargaining on the prices.

And on the eve,
i used to love chopping garlic
and peeling onions.
(tt was the only thing i could do to help)
we'd have a charcoal stove,
and cooked all the dishes tgt.
Cuz my mom was the greatest cook.
I'd even have my own non-spicy meal.

You, were what kept us tgt.
Though it fell apart,
you kept us gg.
And tts what we need now.
Especially now.

Right now.

I miss you.

2011-07-30T12:41:00.001+08:00

She, she ain't real,
She ain't gonna be able to love you like I will,
She is a stranger,
You and I have history,
Or don't you remember?
Sure, she's got it all,
But, baby, is that really what you want?

Bless your soul, you've got your head in the clouds,
You made a fool out of you,
And, boy, she's bringing you down,
She made your heart melt,
But you're cold to the core,
Now rumour has it she ain't got your love anymore,

Rumour has it, ooh,

She is half your age,
But I'm guessing that's the reason that you strayed,
I heard you've been missing me,
You've been telling people things that you shouldn't be,
Like when we creep out and she ain't around,
Haven't you heard the rumours?

Bless your soul, you've got your head in the clouds,
You made a fool out of me,
And, boy, you're bringing me down,
You made my heart melt, yet I'm cold to the core,
But rumour has it I'm the one you're leaving her for,

Rumour has it, ooh,

All of these words whispered in my ear,
Tell a story that I cannot bear to hear,
Just 'cause I said it don't mean I meant it,
People say crazy things,
Just 'cause I said it, don't mean that I meant it,
Just 'cause you heard it,

Rumour has it, ooh,

But rumour has it he's the one I'm leaving you for.

2011-07-29T18:46:00.002+08:00

its funny how,
i keep running out of time.
When i'm rushing a project,
or getting sleep,
and when its moments spent with a person.

Just like that,
your journey here ends.
Just like that,
our paths un-crossed.
Just like that.

All along, we knew.
All along, we'd expected.
We were prepared.
But still, i feel like my heart sank.

Maybe its cuz of what lies ahead.
But still.

I know,
We ran out of time.

2011-07-26T21:13:00.002+08:00

on this beaten road,
where ppl expect you to fall.
Where it dont rain, but pours.
Where failure feels ever so seductive.
Dont succumb.

Stand tall.
Stay rooted.
Remain strong.
Keep your goals in sight.

Things can only get better.

****

dont doubt,
dont fall for the traps that exist in your thoughts.
Dont fear,
throw caution away with the wind.
Dont run,
i'll be worth the gamble.

Just believe,
keep the fire burning.
Just trust,
it will not be misplaced.
Just stay,
cuz i'll be here.

Will you be there too?

2011-07-23T22:37:00.002+08:00

i like random-ness.
Brightens up my mood.
I like constant naggings.
Feels like i matter.
I like out-of-the-blue.
Keeps me surprised.
I like efforts,
like i'm not the only one trying.

2011-07-21T18:32:00.000+08:00

i can never, truly, ever be enough, can i?
There must be a problem with me,
that i keep missing.
This problem tt leaves hearts broken,
when i never intended to.

Is it my words.
That come too easily?
Or my actions,
That fall short, of what i truly feel?
My hands,
that never seem to hold tight enough?
My love ever so transparent,
but somehow not conveyed true enough?

What is it?

Doubts.
They come about from lack of assurance.
Somethi i apparently lack of giving.
Always have.
Prob always will.
But what is it,
do i keep doing wrong?

Thoughts.
Do i not think enough?
Do i not see enough?
Do i not say enough?
Do i not hear enough?
Do i not give enough?
Do i not take enough?
Am i not enough?
Will i ever be?

Whats wrong with me?
What is it, that i cant see?

I just want one person,
who has the same burning emotions for me,
as i do for them.
I just want one person,
who trusts me, as much as i would never doubt.
I just want one person,
who'd celebrate my success,
as i would, stand by their hardships.
That one person,
who respects me as i do them?

I'm done with all the drama.
Done with all the complications.
I know what i want.
All i want, is simplicity.
Void of insecurities, cuz doubts dont exist.
Void of lies and secrets, cuz trust is strong.

But why does it elude me so?
What havent i been doing right, honestly?
What is it, cuz its damn painful trying to figure out,
what the hell is wrong with me.
Why cant i keep a person contented enough?
For a person to want me enough?
To trust me enough?

Cuz i'm never, truly, ever enough, am i?

2011-07-16T19:08:00.002+08:00

nothing worth having,
ever comes easy.
Faults aplenty - i failed you,
and you've failed me.
Thoughts and talk of giving up,
but ever so reluctantly.
Maybe this is what's best -
Lets just wait and see?

If a heart could break,
i guess this is how it feels.
Cuz my heart, it dont beat;
not the same way anymore, it seems.
i've lost sight of me,
of everyone and everything.
It all happened so fast,
i cant even grasp the meaning.

i put a little distance,
but try as i might.
its not working, babe
cuz ur worth the fight.
Cant forget all the words,
and all the tears you cried.
Tell me how can i bear to do this,
to just run and hide?

It made me realize,
there are things i dont understand.
Love, it just isnt something,
we need to comprehend.
so dont doubt tonight,
wont you just take my hand?
We'll walk this road,
make the best of what we can.

2011-07-15T17:53:00.001+08:00

who'd have known,
someth so small,
could inflict this much hurt?

If only circumstances were different,
everyth would have been different.

2011-07-13T19:03:00.002+08:00

its when ppl are so proud of me,
beams when they praise me,
defends me when i'm being put down,
and is so sure of me despite everythi else,
thats when i keep reminding myself,
i cannot let them down.

Struggle as i might,
fail as i would,
not once, have i been disheartened.
Not now.
When i have ppl who sees somethi in me,
that i wasnt too sure abt.
When they believe in me,
even as i doubt.

These ppl,
who get so proud of me.
Whom i never thought
i would make proud.

Thank you.
It keeps my motivation going,
despite the odds.

2011-07-09T23:35:00.002+08:00

'choices.
We either disappoint,
or earn trust.'

disappointments.
Regardless of the magnitude,
is still a disappointment.

Choices.
Make wise ones.

2011-07-08T09:04:00.006+08:00

one cant control,
the wheel of fate.
Drowning in my thoughts-
oh, how i suffocate.
Cant seem to explain,
this feeling of late.
Ur image flashes by at night,
as i lay on my bed.

I never noticed;
i fell for you,
by accident.
Swept off my feet,
now my world spins so sudden.
Its not my agenda,
nor a motive, i havent.
I was just hoping maybe
you'd fall for me too,
by accident.

Pay no heed to the world,
we'll bide our own time.
Until we're sure,
until we see a sign.
Cuz right now all we need,
is right here - you and i.
Stay right here beside me,
dont let this feeling pass us by.

I've never wanted,
anyth more than this.
The words, the thought,
its only you, i miss.
I'd give up more,
just to have this one kiss.
Wont you whisper in my ears,
that you wont leave me, please?

2011-07-02T12:58:00.002+08:00

the thing abt me is,
my grit, my determination.
i'm not a quitter.
What ppl have in experience,
i compensate with hours.
I take twice as long,
but i'll put twice the effort.

'jia you!', right?

2011-06-28T20:55:00.002+08:00

we wish for somethi so much,
but in the end when we get it,
we're not so sure we want it that way.

2011-06-25T18:36:00.004+08:00

cuz there really isnt anything,

that i wouldnt do for you.

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

-Make you feel my love
Adele

2011-06-23T20:43:00.002+08:00

i'm not in my best physical condition,
than i was say, 5 or 6 yrs ago.
Injuries, sustained in wilful days.
Diet, not watched in less conscious days
Stamina, deproved in reckless days.
But i guess,
the difference now,
is discipline.

Cutting back, whatever vices.
Starting back, whatever beneficials.
Moderating, binging and luxuries.

Tsk tsk.
The funny thing about age.

2011-06-22T16:16:00.002+08:00

we never needed words,
to explain what we felt.
Its like you understood my thoughts,
whatever i went thru.

You were that quiet,
unassuming, secret pillar.
I was that rash,
unthinking, constant shield.

Even now, i still feel the need,
to update you.
To share.
To tell.
To be a part of.

And i like how you always listen.

2011-06-19T10:28:00.002+08:00

in time,
i will be, but a passing shadow.
In time,
all the good, once remembered,
will be but a fading memory.
In time,
the emotions fade,
the intensity wears off.

In time,
sooner than one realizes,
i will be barely there.
i will be nothing,
but a distant thought.
In time.

By then i will be,
but that unrecognizable form
you see from a distance
camouflaged in the midst of the crowd.

2011-06-18T23:39:00.002+08:00

151 hrs on.
Tmr, would mark a week exactly.
Surprisingly, i'm doing better than i thought.
I imagined myself,
having to busy myself every waking minute,
to curb the urge.
to ignore the craving.

But so far,
its not that bad a struggle.
Yes, i do tend to get tempted.
But i stop,
and i realize i dont really need it.
And the temptation rids itself.

Even when i'm pissed,
mad, tired, frustrated or troubled.
I havent had the unsuppressable desire
to break the resolution.

So far, so good.
Still trying..

2011-06-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

if i'd wanted to know
what you think,
i'd have asked.

****

lets not let another,
ruin what should have been,
a world for two.
Supposedly meant,
just for me and you.

Just us,
it'll be enough.

2011-06-13T13:55:00.002+08:00

its funny,
if you asked me to describe the disappointment.
Cuz honestly, it feels like someone broke up with me.
It stings.
Its disappointing.
And so god damn painful.

Like a breakup,
my heart sank.
Like a breakup,
i find myself lost.
And like a breakup,
i will recover.

But just that right now,
this very instant.
I'm bummed out.
I feel like crap.
I.. Feel like i'm not gonna go anywhere.

I just needed one chance,
and i'd do good.
Now, i need to find that chance,
someplace else..

2011-06-12T14:10:00.002+08:00

different ppl,
has different views,
bout ppl and things.

I like the innocence.
That naivety you have abt you.
Its such a refreshing quality.
endearing.
I like that.

2011-06-12T12:47:00.002+08:00

this lil girl once said to me,
'technology kills relationships.'

Have you seen couples,
out on a date,
yet both of them busy on their iphones,
playing games or updating statuses
on a particular social network?
Whats the point?
There in person,
but minds elsewhere.
No point of eye contact,
or conversations.

Thats sad, isnt it?
What kinda rs is that?

2011-06-11T23:29:00.002+08:00

tonight,
is a night of memories.
Alot of things, and ppl
who came to mind,
and i wished would always stay that way.

Ppl whom i protected,
ppl whom i viewed as family.
Ppl whom i'd have given an arm for.

Ppl who loved me,
just as much.

Tonight,
i dropped alot of random sms-es to everyone.
To remind them of the good old times,
and to remind them i'm still here.

I'd still sacrifice what i would back then.
I'd still protect you, as i did.
Nothing's changed.
Maybe the distance,
but definitely not us.

2011-06-11T14:18:00.003+08:00

words, come easy for me.
I tend to be able to articulate my thoughts
better than some.
Most times,
its as if i dont mean what i say.
But I always do.

But also because,
i know how words dont come easy to others.
That i hang on,
to that one word,
or a simple statement.
Thats enough to melt my heart,
or earn my loyalty.

Words.
It can still make my heart,
beat alot faster.
Or make me feel a sudden rush,
of warmth.

Your words,
has effects on me,
more than you realise.

2011-06-10T14:25:00.002+08:00

to what extent,
can one forgive?
Emotional scars,
value of words,
frequency of doubts.
How long ago,
will it then be buried and be past?

Its funny how
i forget the whole event and timeline.
Yet, i still rmb the hurt,
the pain, the tears.

Its not that i'm hankering over the past,
just that deep down,
it feels like it hasnt been settled.
Feels like its somethi,
i pushed away,
for the sake of avoiding.

Feels like history,
long forgotten.
Yet occasionally,
fresh and raw.
But till when?
At the end of it, will it truly be over?
Truth is,
i dont know.
Really, i dont.
When we talked about it,
i realised, you dont either.

Where it leaves us,
or what it means,
i honestly do not know.

Not that i'm undecisive,
just lost.
Not that i cant be firm,
just torn.

Is it that way for you,
as it is for me?

2011-06-08T17:34:00.002+08:00

sometimes, thru the biggest of problems,
all you need is to talk it out.
Take a listen to whats bothering the person,
or make an effort to voice it out.
They might not see things the way you do,
but at least they'll know.
Cuz no one,
is a mind reader.

****

i've come to a point where
i'm.. Blissful.
Contented.
Blessed.
Not affected, or wavered.
*shrugs.
No point being otherwise.

2011-06-07T10:30:00.002+08:00

was clearing out the entries of my blog,
realised i had alot of draft entries.
Words that i've phrased,
but never reached its intended recipient.
Its brought about the exact same feeling
as i did when i typed it.
And i let myself travel,
the same path of thoughts.

Maybe its a good thing,
i never posted them?

****

new found drive.
I've rid myself of the doubt.
Instilled myself with new found drive.
3mths.
All i'm gonna need is discipline.
Lets go.

2011-06-06T17:12:00.002+08:00

days like these,
everything is beautiful.
On days like these,
i feel.. Calm.
I feel thankful.

I sit, by myself.
Out here, in a corner.
And not a feeling of negativity.
Its like a sanctuary,
and my thoughts..
Is peaceful.

Maybe its the medications.
But i like this feeling.
I feel like nothing can ruin my day.

Just let me be,
like this for a bit.
Cuz days like these,
everything is just so beautiful.

2011-05-29T19:13:00.002+08:00

i'm a simple person.
all i want,
is to lounge at my place with you,
watching dvds, or reading a book.
Lazing ard,
with no sense of time.
with my milk tea, no less.

Not alot of ppl can accept that.
Boring.
No life.

Thats just me.

2011-05-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

growing up is scary.
actually, you never do realize that you have.
everyday, the process happens,
but everyday we've never noticed.

until we crumble
at the magnitude of responsibilities.
or trip,
at the scale of expectations.

everyday, its a battle.
everyday, we disappoint or impress someone.

i miss the days when
having a curfew,
or being late for school was our biggest problems.
now, everyth is.

****

its only at the darkest times,
do you realize who treats you best.
you find out,
how the coldest of hearts,
actually really is quite warm.

you find out how,
the furthest of friends,
never really went very far.

it took me so long to see.
and i'm sorry.
never again, i promise.
never again.

2011-05-24T19:54:00.003+08:00

'what are words,
if you really dont mean them,
when you say them?'

when ur at ur lowest,
i'm here.
you'll have me to lean on.
that, you can count on.

2011-05-18T19:31:00.002+08:00

there are many ways to react
many ways to view it.
I can take it as a compliment,
an achievement.
I can take it as a strategic move,
out of desperation.
I can react positively,
and improve the shortcomings.
Or negatively,
and worsen whatever value.

I was this close to clearing my debt.
All along, i was fulfilling not my duty,
but obligation.
Now, it feels like i have a second term
of sentence to serve.

Pick up the pieces.
Just move forward.
Keep moving forward.
In future, we'll see..

2011-05-18T16:20:00.001+08:00

take my hand,
fall in love with me again.

2011-05-10T22:55:00.002+08:00

its funny when you reflect over time.
you realize how much you've changed,
and you realize just how much
you've managed to sustain, and pull thru.

time,
it makes you stronger,
steel you against future hurdles.
it makes you wiser,
to avoid mistakes once made.

time,
look how far along its been.

2011-05-07T00:03:00.002+08:00

maybe i'm wrong.
Maybe i'm too harsh.
Maybe i was too petty,
maybe i was too calculative.

I guess, the more you care for a person,
the more you expect,
the harder it is to accept the disappointment.
Maybe thats the reason,
lines are drawn.

***

this scent..
This very scent.
It reminds me of you,
you, from years ago.
I bought this very same perfume for you.
How you brought it along wherever you went.
How you got mad when other ppl used it.

This very scent.
From years ago.

2011-05-05T14:01:00.002+08:00

i wish you could see, where i am today. I'm not very successful, but at least now, i'm determined to make a mark. I may not be particularly outstanding, but in your eyes, i was always the best. Whatever i chose to take up, or take on, you gave me the fullest of support. And whatever good that is of me, today, is what you instilled in me.
Mothers' day is this weekend. And like everyday over the past years, i miss you.
I miss you alot.

We were never perfect. But you were more than anyone could wish for.
I was never perfect, but to you, i was more than just that.
I wish you could see me now. To hear all that i have to say.
I wish you were near me now, to soothe this pain away.
But all i really wish,
is that you know how much i miss you..

2011-05-01T23:15:00.003+08:00

what happens,
when you wake,
and everythi's changed?

Everythi,
is actually exactly the way things was the day before.
But somehow,
everythi's changed.
Your world, is no longer as it is.

You dont know what ur next step should be.
You get so frustrated,
that you just want to give everyth up?
You get so lost.
You question the whole point,
you wonder the worth.

Nothing's changed, yet,
everyth has..

2011-04-30T23:54:00.002+08:00

i dont know what to say. How to strike up a conversation. How to act. My mind is a thousand miles away. My heart doesnt feel a part of me. I feel like crap. Like i'm so far away. And i dont know what to do. Not anymore. Everything, and everyone. Feels like the whole world is either punishing me, or enjoying the fact that things are crap for me. Nothing is right anymore. Nothing is worth anything anymore. And i hate it.

2011-04-30T23:30:00.002+08:00

years, are but numbers.
respect, is over rated.

The world now,
is one that i no longer recognize.
That is no longer about gratitude.
Its about practicality.

Actually, i'm not really about the post,
or even abt the money.
Its about making a statement.
About neglecting,
the people who thought the world of this place.

Its time to make an impact.

2011-04-29T13:04:00.002+08:00

Ppl like us.
Ppl who grew up,
and climbed the ranks here.
Filled with flaws,
but always learning.
Lack of experience,
but ever so fearless.

In ur pursuit of perfection,
you let us go.
For the littlest of mistakes.
For the most minor of slip ups.
You let us go.

You forgot,
that ur very core of standards,
stems from the very few of us.
You forgot,
that we've rode the worst
of storms, and yet, stayed.

In ur crazy chase for perfection,
you've landed us to where we are now.
Struggling, and faltering.
Barely being able to sustain
our own survival.
Trying to chase away the thoughts,
and reminding ourselves we're okay.

And now in your desperation,
you let in jerks,
who's made a mockery of us all along.
Who's never been about the pride,
but all about the glamour.

It leaves a bitter taste.
It leaves a sense of resentment.
And the saddest thing?
It confirms the decision to leave.

2011-04-27T13:28:00.004+08:00

self mutilation.

I never understood why
people would resort to that,
in dark times.
How they could inclict
bodily injury to one's self.

I could never get it.
Fact is,
i despise it.
If you cant love and respect yourself,
how in the world is anyone else going to.

The reason is simple.
With a cut or slit,
they feel the pain, they see the hurt.
But thats not all they see.
They see that it heals.
Unlike the heart.
It hurts, it stings.
Yet you never know if it really is gettin better.
You never know the real extent of the pain,
nor can anyone know how bad it is.

Hearts,
hurt in a way that words cant describe.
Expressions cant explain.
Others can never fathom.

For these people,
its a getaway.
A distraction.
Its still stupid,
i still wish there were other means of outlets for them.
I dont respect it,
but to each his own.

2011-04-27T10:00:00.003+08:00

even if God gave me an extra lifetime,
to repay all the favours,
that everyone has done for me,
it'll still not be enough.

I've said so many times before,
how i've had the fortune to meet,
some ppl with the nicest heart.
The ppl who's done so much,
yet want nothing in return.
The people whom helped me out,
in moments where i dont know where else to turn.

These ppl,
the very same ppl
i protect ever so whole heartedly.

2011-04-26T17:35:00.000+08:00

"i'll be okay"
i heard my heart whisper..

2011-04-25T14:28:00.002+08:00

the most attractive thing in a person,
is confidence.
That aura that a person gives out.
That vibe that a person makes one feel.

The most sexiest thing in a person,
is the smile.
That lights up another person's day.
That captures the heart.

The most sweetest thing in a person,
is the eyes.
That melting gaze.
That leaves a person in a daze.

The most sincere thing in a person,
is the touch.
Expressing longing and affection,
all without words.

But the most important thing is,
what you want in a person.
Their flaws, become much less.
Their presence becomes a need.
Your thoughts, is everyth about.
And your heart is nothing without.

Dont ask the randomness.
Boredom at work. Ha.

2011-04-24T13:08:00.002+08:00

sorry.
Were you expecting it to be enough?
it still leaves me
in the exact same position as ytd -
doubted.
And it doesnt take away
all the questions in my head.
It doesnt alleviate
this feeling inside.

Sorry.
It may have put closure for you.
But it makes it worse for me.
It makes it alot more painful for me.
A whole lot more bitter.
You'd left me here,
with the whole saga,
one whole mess to clear.
I'd rather you'd have disappeared entirely.

Sorry..

Why'd you do it, in the first place?
How could you bear to put me in such a situation?
Why did you jepordize everything?

I still cant get over it.
One moment, i trusted you.
One moment, i resented you.
With that one word,
you shook everyth again..
Why'd you do it?

2011-04-24T11:15:00.002+08:00

feels like i'm half the person
i once was.
Feels like i'm a shadow
of what i see myself as.

The drive, the motivation.
The thoughts, the spirit.
All gone, all gone.

The run will be over soon.
I've past the halfway mark.

4modules, 3 bridgings done.
4modules, 1 bridging to go.

Xmas, new year's and cny done.
Mothers' day and hari raya's to go.
Almost there..

Then, my debt is cleared.
This whole saga will be over.
A new lease of life,
new opportunities.

I'm halfway there.

2011-04-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

i chose silence, not out of guilt.
But of disappointment.
I feel hurt, not because of involvement.
But because of accuses.

I'm not fodder for ur gossip.

2011-04-19T15:17:00.003+08:00

i dont know where to begin,
to describe the emotional turmoil.

I'm not proud of myself right now.
I can barely face myself.

It feels like i'm the cause of his downfall.
It feels like i betrayed him.
Yet, at the same time, i'm struggling.
To keep the faith.
To hang on, to clear myself.

I felt hurt, then guilt.
Then memories of past conversations.
And how fond he was of me,
like a sibling.
How he always took care of me.

He made fun of me,
and protected me, if someth went wrong.
But now, was i wrong?
I dont know where to begin.

To describe the turmoil i feel.

2011-04-18T23:40:00.003+08:00

in trust, we believe and stand by some things we hold true. in hope, we believe that the hardships we face will all be worth it. and in faith, i believe that truth will come to light.

2011-04-18T11:14:00.002+08:00

feels like i've aged alot. like i've lost alot. like i've changed alot. i havent. yet, nowadays, i can barely recognize my thoughts, or my nonchalance anymore. far. too damn far.

2011-04-15T14:54:00.004+08:00

i know you'll get to read this someday.
maybe sooner, than later.
but in any case, i still know it'll get to you.

hey.
7yrs, we got to know each other.
right ard this period too.
7yrs..
classmate, to a love blossomed, to a rock solid friendship.
or so, i thought.

7 birthdays, you've spent with me.
i've spent bdays at ur place w ur family,
having steamboat dinner.
do you rmb,
me gg down to watch ur floorball matches?
do you rmb,
gg to thailand with your family?

7yrs, might not be too long at all,
but i'm the kind that will protect you,
and share the burden,
whatever you may go thru.
its exactly what you've done for me, this years.
and quite honestly,
i dont know where i'd be now,
without ur belief in me, and support.

friends,
might be busy once in a while;
go thru a rough patch,
here and there.
but friends, the true kind,
will always be there.
always.
and thats probably the one virtue
that i pride myself in,
the way that i love my friends.
the way that i love you, as i do,
each and everyone ard me.
i let you into my world,
you know just abt everyone who matters to me,
my family, everyone.

i didnt realise
i'd expected too much of you, these yrs.
second time now,
that she's more impt to you than me.
second time now,
that my friendship's been sacrificed.
you're not selfish.
i'm the stubborn one.
me and my stubborn mindset.
always have been, huh?

i just thought, that i was a good friend.
i thought being here was enough.
now i realized,
its my presence thats making it harder for you.
cuz you dont even think you can maintain this friendship.
did i expect too much of you?

but i know,
if i'm friend enough,
i wont add on to ur burden.

i thought,
to share the problems you face,
just as i'd wanted you to be here for me right now.
but i know, that'll be asking too much of you.
its my presence thats causing so much.
i get it.

hey,
i know you'd want just the same for me,
as i do for you.
but i know, role reversed,
i'd never have turned my back on you.

never.

all the best,
every step of the way..

if this is worthwhile for you,
it is for me too.

tc.

2011-04-15T13:30:00.002+08:00

we've lost a lil of ourselves in each other. i've robbed you of a lil bit of confidence. you've taken away every sense of my trust. you've compromised way too much. way, way too much. i dont deserve you. cuz you deserve better.

2011-04-12T18:31:00.002+08:00

there will come a point where the value of words depreciate. a thousand words, a hundred expressions, and yet, no value.

2011-04-11T22:54:00.002+08:00

funny how things are now. back then, if you'd ask me, how i thought things would be now, i'd never guessed it the way it is now. things change, time flies. but we'll always be here. one way or other.

2011-04-10T10:42:00.002+08:00

someone from a long time ago. someone from way back. brought about a flood of emotions. i smiled to myself, realizing you were just abt the same as i rmb-ed. i smiled at the memories, the past emotions, reminiscing. you grew up to be exactly what you said you'd be, and i'm proud of you. dont give up, else its twice the work, right? i'll keep that in mind. and everythi else close to the heart.

2011-04-08T15:24:00.003+08:00

have i been too complacent? i think i've been focusing on the wrong things. at that point, when he sat down with me, and as he talked, so heartfelt, and sincere, i realized how wrong i've been. it wasnt because i couldn't do it. it was cuz i wasnt focusing on the right stuffs. i needa view things different.

2011-04-04T17:31:00.003+08:00

love - all i'd wanted was somethi simple. someone who'd complete my dreams. someone who'd listen to my fears, whom i could trust with all my heart. someone whom my heart finds reason to beat for. love - i'm thankful for every person whom i've had the fortune to meet. for all the people who's made me grow stronger, who's made me more thankful for the next person that enters my life. all along, i've been all but undeserving. i've not treasured, i've not been patient. i've hurt, and i've broken. but love; if this is to be the karma, or the lesson that i should learn, i'll take it. i deserve all the trials and hurdles you've put on me. even this much, I feel ur letting me off too lightly. but now, love, i dare not dream for much. now all i ask, is that you spare the hearts of whom i'm hurting. cuz i know now, thats all i'm capable of.

2011-04-04T14:46:00.002+08:00

what is one to do, when one is causing more hurt, than anyth else? what is one's worth, when one hurts the one they love. one who's supposed to be protecting, is the one inflicting. what is one to do? what can i do to take all the pain away?

2011-03-26T11:42:00.002+08:00

IT GOT TO ME AGAIN. HOW I STRUGGLE, AD I WONDER TO MYSELF WHY I DID THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE. IT GETS TIRING. IT GETS FRUSTRATING, AND QUITE HONESTLY, TAKING ITS TOLL. I TRY TO DO AS I DID AT WORK. I TRY TO KEEP UP WITH ALL MY FRIENDS, I TRY TO SUSTAIN ALL THE RS I HAVE WITH EVERYONE. I TRY TO CONCENTRATE AT SCHOOL. BUT ONE POINT OR OTHER, I'LL NEGLECT SOMETHI, OR EVERYTH. THEN I WONDER, WHY I'M EVEN DOING THIS. YES, FOR THE LONG RUN. BUT RIGHT NOW, AT THIS VERY POINT, ITS HARD.. AT THIS VERY POINT, I'M STRUGGLING HARD. I'M TIRED. PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, MOTIVATIONALLY, FINANCIALLY, AND EMOTIONALLY. EXHAUSTED, I AM. I REALLY AM. HALFWAY MARK. NOT GONNA GIVE UP NOW. FOR ALL THE FAITH PPL PUT IN ME, I CANT.

2011-03-24T20:32:00.002+08:00

HOW IS IT THAT, PPL NOT INVOLVED IN SOMETHI, WILL ALWAYS WANT A SAY, A BITTER COMMENT, OR A HURTFUL SNIDE. ITS SO EASY TO JUDGE, BUT YOU'RE NOT WALKING THE TALK. IT GETS SUFFOCATING. AND QUITE HONESTLY, TIRING. JUDGEMENTS. HOW YOU INTERPRET ME, IS YOUR PROBLEM. THROW IT STRAIGHT AT ME, IF YOU DARE. I'LL TAKE IT. I'LL SHOULDER IT. JUST LEAVE THE WHOLE WORLD ALONE.

2011-03-02T23:08:00.003+08:00

every now and then,
i get exhausted.
every now and then,
i get lethargic.
every now and then,
i ask myself why i'm doing this.

but through this now and then,
just remind me that its all worth it.
through this now and then,
tell me i can do it.
and every now and then,
just be there for me.

i never knew i could actually do it.
most times, i'm just bullshitting,
when i said i'd ace somethi,
or that i'd get immediate graduation.
but if you know waht i'm talking about,
you'll know my struggles,
and know my success.

bless all the encouragements,
and never ending support.
thats all thats keeping me going.

actually, i know just the word.
wasted.
should have been.

2011-02-25T14:40:00.000+08:00

THE ONLY REASON WHY I'M DISTANCING MYSELF, ISNT CUZ I DONT WANT TO SHARE YOUR PAIN. THE ONLY REASON, IS CUZ I KNOW MYSELF. MY WORDS OF DISAPPROVAL, MY HINT OF DISAPPOINTMENT, AND YET THE FRUSTRATIONS OF NOT BEING ABLE TO PPROTECT YOU. I KNOW LOVE IS BLIND, LOVE IS FORGIVING. LOVE IS EVERYTHI. TRUST ME, I KNOW. JUST THE SAME, I SUPPORT YOUR EVERY DECISION, WHETHER OR NOT I MAY AGREE OR APPROVE OF IT. JUST KNOW THAT I'LL BE HERE, TO RIDE THE UP AND DOWN WITH YOU. I'M STILL HERE. JUST AT THE MOMENT, WHILE UR MENDING THINGS, LET ME BE. CUZ I KNOW I'LL ONLY RUIN IT.

2011-02-08T12:39:00.002+08:00

i'll never be that one,
because i've got nothing.
i cause more hurt, than happy times.
i take, but i can never give.
i can never be that one.

you can give me reasons why i am that one,
and i can give you facts on why i cant.
me, treating you good,
is me not tying you down.

me.

2011-02-05T11:52:00.001+08:00

saw this on joey's so got curious on mine.
horoscope. ha. i highlighted my fav. heh.

As a Libra, stability and balance is very important. The Libra 2011 yearly horoscope shows that 2011 will be a great year for Libras because it brings much of the same. This will inspire Libra to branch out and try some new things! Be prepared for a slight bump in the road at the beginning of the year, as there will be some challenges regarding career, but nothing that is impossible to overcome. There will certainly be a special someone vying for your attention, but keep yourself under control Libra. You don’t want the promise of true love to get burned up in the fires of this romance.

Libra in 2011

Libra 2011 Career and Income Horoscope

The Libra 2011 yearly horoscope shows that it’s all catching up to you. Poor financial decisions or simply those bad breaks that put your finances into turmoil. Don’t panic. Use your slow and steady ability to work things out. To get back on track, it’s just going to take some rearranging, which involves planning, one of your strong suits. In spite of a difficult beginning, this stress on your financial decision will inspire you to try harder and ultimately, do better in all areas of your life.

Libra 2011 Love, Family and Social life Horoscope

Romance is about to get fiery! Sometimes, too much passion can cause you to panic. A passionate staking of a claim is not romantic, though, Libra. It’s controlling. If you find yourself overwhelmed by love, do not cling too tight. Slow down and just be. Exercise some trust in both romantic and platonic relationships or get ready for discord in the summer months. In terms of friends or finding new love, be open to everything. The Libra 2011 yearly horoscope shows that, regardless of what path you choose, peace and harmony will be inevitable during the months of November and December.

Libra 2011 Education and Traveling Horoscope

In 2010, you made some impulsive choices. Got into debt, made a career change, put yourself into certain financial roadblocks. The Libra 2011 yearly horoscope shows that 2011 is about getting out of this situation. Keep learning! The wisdom that has gone in one ear and out the other in the past will be available to you yet again and this time, you will be in a mental place to hear it and learn.

Libra 2011 Health Horoscope

As long as you focus on balancing your life this year, the Libra 2011 yearly horoscope shows that there will be few health issues. Saturn arrives to stabilize you and help regain energy and vigor. This year, the impulse to do more than you are capable of will be easier to ignore.

2011-01-23T23:50:00.000+08:00

if i walk would you run,

if i stop would you come

if i say you're the one ,

would you believe me?

if i ask you to stay,

would you show me the way?

tell me what to say,

so you dont leave me.

the world is catching up to you,

while you're running away.

to chase your dream

its time for us to make a move,

cause we are asking one another to change

and maybe i'm not ready

but i'll try for your love

2011-01-19T12:15:00.002+08:00

for the sake of pacifying this particularly irritating bitch.

apart from the fact that i just completed my first exam.
(out of 25 marks,
i'm gonna score 26. lol.)

its hard to update when it feels like
everything is at a standstill
i'm not advancing, not moving, or retreating.
i'm just.. here.
yes, i still face certain troubles.
i find myself at a place where words elude me.
or i find myself re-evaluating everyth.
everythi so.. difficult.

and, you know, 38,
i missed you.

2011-01-12T12:00:00.002+08:00

everyday when i go to sch,
its these two ppl that always come to mind.
that one who bought the pencil case.
and the one who supplied eveythi in it.

everyday when i go to sch,
as i set my stuff on the table,
i start the class with a smile on my face.

i remember two angels,
who irritates me,
makes fun of me,
raises their voice at me,
gets sarcastic with me,
and i love them to bits.

2011-01-06T15:50:00.002+08:00

honestly,
if you were to ask where we are,
or waht are we,
i dont know.
i dont know a thing anymore.
choices.
maybe this is wahts best

****

thank you.
for teaching me.
i felt bad when you fell asleep last night,
then sms-ed me so early in the morning.
haha.
i know i'm loved.
know that you are too.

2011-01-02T13:38:00.007+08:00

DATES. SOMETIMES, ITS NOT THAT YOU PARTICULARLY WANT TO REMIND YOURSELF OF DATES THAT MAKE YOUR HEART BREAK. ITS BECAUSE THE DATES ARE SO HARD TO FORGET, SOMETIMES. IT USED TO BE A NORM. ALL OF US HEADED OUT FOR NEW YEAR'S ON OUR OWN. BUT TODAY, WE ALWAYS HEADED HOME, AND CELEBRATED YOUR BIRTHDAY. IT WAS VERY HARD TO IGNORE, OR FORGET. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ALWAYS USED TO REMIND US ANYWAY. TODAY, WOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR BIRTHDAY.. DO YOU KNOW, THAT OCCASIONS AND HOLIDAYS HAVE NEVER BEEN THE SAME AGAIN? I STOPPED CARING FOR NEW YEARS, OR HARI RAYA.. CUZ IT NO LONGER HOLDS ANY FORM OF SIGNIFICANCE. IN THE PAST, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PLANNED, WHO GOT EXCITED, DRAGGED US FOR SHOPPING, WHO DECORATED, AND SPRING CLEANED. NOW ALL THE DAYS, AND DATES, ARE JUST THAT. DAYS AND DATES. NO SIGNIFICANCE.. BUT, TODAY. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR BIRTHDAY. I STILL MISS YOU ALOT. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

2011-01-01T14:54:00.005+08:00

JUVENILE THINKINGS, JUVENILE CRAP. I'M CURSING THE DISTANCE, CURSING THE CHOICE, CURSING THE ARRANGEMENT. IT WONT BE LONG, NOW.. ITS GONNA BE ANYTIME SOON.

2011-01-01T13:19:00.005+08:00

IT WAS A LIL PIECE OF MY HEART I'D WANTED YOU TO WANT. THAT I'D HOPED YOU'D TREASURE AND PROTECT. AS YOU STEPPED INTO MY WORLD. ALL I WANTED, WAS THAT YOU WANTED IT, AS MUCH AS I DID.

2010-12-30T12:13:00.002+08:00

babe,
we can never go back to waht we were.
i was never enough.
never will be.
wahts left is the reminders
of how i can never be
****
how does one reflect on the past year?
is it by things gained or lost?
or sucesses accomplished and failures?
by the friends gained and lost?

i dont know.

i only know throughout the year,
i may not have achieved anythi,
but i learned alot.
earned alot. (of friends, not monetary terms)
understand alot.
and feel alot.
no point regretting anythi.

the next year still beckons,
so no point mulling over the past one.

2010-12-27T14:27:00.006+08:00

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. I STUMBLE. I GET DEFEATED. THIS ARMOUR OF MINE FAILS, AND I QUESTION EVERYTHING. BUT DURING SUCH MOMENTS, ALL I NEED, IS A BLANKET OF COMFORT. OF SUPPORT.WHO'LL REMIND ME OF EVERYTHING I WORKED SO HARD FOR. I NEED TO BE PATIENT. AND I'M THANKFUL FOR YOUR PRESENCE. TO ALL THE LOVES IN MY LIFE - THANK YOU, FOR KEEPING ME STRONG. I WONT STAY DEFEATED, CUZ I KNOW YOU WONT LET ME.

2010-12-27T14:04:00.001+08:00

"WELL, MY HEART DONT BEAT. IT DONT BEAT THE SAME WAY ANYMORE."

2010-12-23T12:57:00.002+08:00

words unspoken.
not cuz of the unwillingness to,
but cuz of the inability to form the thoughts,
to express confusion simply.
its not cuz i'm holding back,
but cuz i cant reach out.

but waht exactly is making things so complex,
so foggy?
waht are these thoughts exactly,
that corrupt my mind so,
that condemns somethi i held true?
why exactly,
am i eating at myself like this?

how can i be lost,
without seeking an answer?
how can i stray,
when i've not wandered?
how can i lose belief,
when i've not doubted?

i'm sorry..

2010-12-22T00:21:00.002+08:00

iTS ONE THING TO DO SOMETHI, AND I DONT LIKE IT. ITS WORSE TO DO IT, WEN YOU KNOW I DONT LIKE IT, AND WE ARE WHERE WE ARE NOW. IT FEELS LIKE UR MAKING A STATEMENT. I TOLD YOU I DONT LIKE YOU GETTING A TATTOO OR PIERCING, BUT YOU DID ANYWAY. IDK HOW YOU WANT ME TO REACT. UP TO YOU ANYWAY. YOU DONT CARE WHAT I THINK. I DONT CARE TO THINK ANYMORE.

2010-12-21T23:51:00.002+08:00

when i get to class,
i'm that person who sits alone.
ear piece plugged in.
arms folded,
slouched in my chair.
i'm that person in class,
that loner.

hard to believe?
but this is by choice,
not that no one wants to sit with me.
i guess, i just wanna go to class
listen, and go home.
i'm not into making friends,
or enemies, for that matter.

but yea, they still call me over to sit with them
or ask me join them for breaks.
fact is, i wanna be alone.
where i can avoid small talk.

3 weeks of sch and i'm struggling.
i just dont have enough time.
bummer.

2010-12-17T15:46:00.003+08:00

I GET IT. EVERYONE IS TELLING ME TO FORGIVE AND FORGET. EVERYONE IS TELLING ME TO STAND IN UR SHOES. THAT I SHOULD LET MY ANGER GO. I GET IT. BUT I'VE GOT ONE QUESTION. WHAT HAPPENED TO, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, CONTACTING THAT PERSON?", OR "WHY DIDNT YOU JUST TELL ROS?" WHY IS IT NOW, THE DECISION HANGS WITH ME? WHY IS IT THAT SUDDENLY, ITS AS IF I WAS THE ONE THAT MADE THINGS THIS WAY? I DIDNT. BUT NOW, EVERYONE TURNS A BLIND EYE TO IT, AND CENTRES BACK TO ME. NOW ITS AS IF THE CHOICE IS MINE. WHY DOESNT EVERYONE SEE THAT YOU MADE THAT CHOICE, NOT ME? AM I WRONG TO REACT THIS WAY? TRUTH IS, I'M TIRED. OF SHIFTING BLAME AND FINDING EXCUSES. MAYBE I REALLY AM THE UNREASONABLE ONE, CUZ I CANT ACCEPT, FORGIVE OR FORGET. ITS ME. AND I'M TIRED OF EVERYTHING. OF QUESTIONING MY VERY WORTH AND EXISTENCE. ITS ME. I DONT EVEN NEED TO BE HERE.

2010-12-17T10:31:00.002+08:00

I USED TO LIKE TO ASK MY FRIENDS WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER, AND TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHI UNDER THE SUN. I LIKED TO ASK THEM - IF WE COULD CHOOSE ONE SUPER POWER, WHICH DO YOU WANT? THE YOUNGER GENERATION FAVOURS FLYING, TELEPORTING, OR BEING INVISIBLE. OTHERS WANTED TO BE ABLE TO READ MINDS, OR HEAL PPL, SEE THE FUTURE, OR BE ABLE TO MOVE THINGS WITH THE MIND. IF I COULD WANT A POWER, IT'D BE TO REWIND TIME. SO THE PAIN WOULD GO AWAY. MEMORIES WOULD VANISH. AND I COULD JUST START OVER. I CAN CHOOSE, AND CHOOSE AGAIN. OR TREASURE, WHAT I KNOW WILL END. BUT KNOWING MYSELF, I'D JUST CHOOSE TO NOT KNOW ANYTH. OR MAYBE CHOOSE TO NOT CHOOSE? NO WONDER THEY NEVER GAVE HUMANS SPECIAL POWERS. CUZ WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT ANYWAY.